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The video you see above is Sean Richardson’s performance from Episode 26 of Radio Free Charleston. The song is called “World Gone Mad” and it kicks off today’s rambling essay, which is about things that are wrong with the world. It’s a great tune, and is actually an example of one of the things right about the world, but it’s late and I’m grasping at straws here.
There are five things wrong with the world (actually, there are way more than that, but while this is a rambling essay, I have no intention of turning it into a book length one). In no particular order, here are the five things wrong with the world:
1) People are greedy.The reason the economy is currently swirling around in the toilet bowl is because for decades, foolish people trying to get something for nothing have bought into a series of outlandish pyramid schemes disguised as “investment plans”. This is all because people would rather find some way to get a “quick return” on their money instead of simply working hard and saving. But that isn’t the only way people are greedy. For years, we’ve been hearing about the rise of big box retailers and the evils of Wal-Mart. Yet no one dares to blame the forces that give these evil entities all their malevolent power. It’s us, the consumer.
We are a nation of cheap bastards. We will forego customer service in favor of the lowest possible price. We will spend four times the amount of money we might save for gasoline to drive to purchase a “bargain”. Not only are we a greedy people, but in the words of Frank Zappa, we are “dumb all over”. There is a simple solution to this problem. People simply need to quit being morons.
2) People are morons.As alluded to above, there is a problem in our world with people perpetuating acts of monumental stupidity on a regular basis. Unfortunately, there is no solution for this. It seems as if the current boom of stupid people in the world exists to disprove Darwin’s theory of survival of the fittest.
You would think that people stupid enough to do things like vote twice for George Bush, invest all their money in the stock market, or take a smoke break while working out at the gym, would have possibly died off due to wandering aimlessly into traffic or getting their head stuck between stairwell banisters. But no, stupid people have proven to be a hearty stock who somehow manage to defy all logic by continuing to survive even though they spend much of their time defying all logic.
3) Crocs. Crocs are one of the things wrong with the world. In case you don’t know, I’m talking about those big, ugly plastic shoes that look like Chinese made footwear for a club-footed teddy bear. In the future, when people are making fun of the time we live in today, one of the symbols of fashion idiocy that will be held up and ridiculed, much like bell bottoms and leisure suits, will be the Croc. One can only hope that this item will rightfully take its place in the hall of apparel-related embarrassments and stop offending our eyes very soon.
4) People who think they have a “right” to smoke.If you are one of those people, please be advised: You do not have a right to smoke. It’s not in the Constitution, so quit whining about it and go outside with your burnin’ damned stank weed.
Seriously, yer stinkin’ up the joint. They wouldn’t have passed a law about it if you guys hadn’t made it a problem.
5) Bloggers who write curmudgeonly pessimistic essays. One of the major problems inflicting the world right now is the proliferation of strident, careless, opinionated essays that do nothing more than go for cheap laughs while trivializing real problems and offering nothing in the way of solutions.
You have just been reading a parody of one of those essays. The rest of the Ramble Week essays here in PopCult will actually be hopeful, optimistic, and happy. Oh, they’ll still be rambling and barely coherent, but they won’t be mean spirited.
Thanks for reading. I hope you all enjoy the remainder of your Boxing Day and come back later Saturday for our next Ramble Week essay, “Soupy Sales, Obama, and Very Large Breasts”.