Today is Turkey Day, and that means…well…hardly anybody is reading this blog or The 2024 PopCult Gift Guide right now.
Once again to honor the holiday and also so we don’t squander any good gift suggestions, today we’re going to offer up our own style of Turkey–god-awfully goofy gifts that could be gag gifts, or white elephant gifts, or even gifts that might gag a white elephant.
These gifts are either amusing or disturbing, and you might want to think long and hard before actually wrapping any of these and putting them under the tree. Either make sure that the recipient has a great sense of humor, or is at least somebody you won’t mind antagonizing. Some are annoying. Some are disgusting. Some look edible but are still gross.
My descriptions will be short and brutally honest. Also, there are five picks today. I didn’t want to put enough time into this to whittle it down to three. Be glad I’m not in a dark mood. There were almost Jeffrey Dahmer and John Wayne Gacy gift ideas.
Under each headline there will also be a link to the website from which you can find these monstrosities.
Happy Turkey Day, everybody. Maybe be thankful that you don’t get any gifts like this.
Bootleg Coke-Bottle Transformer
$8.99 from Amazon
Our first awful gift idea is a knockoff Transformer, that converts from a robot samurai into a sort of Coca-Cola bottle. Not only is it a fake Transformer, it’s also a bootleg Coke item!
And how can you beat this official listing title?
2024 New Beverage Bottles Transformer Robot Toys, Soda Can Transforming Robot Toys for Kids Gift, Creative Soda Deformation Figures for Boys, Birthday Christmas Choice for Boyfriend (red)
We have to quote from the description, too:
❤️【2024 New Beverage Bottles Transformer Robot Toys】Unleash the imagination of your little ones with the Cyninesm 2024 New Beverage Bottles Transformer Robot Toys! These aren’t your ordinary robots; they’re disguised as everyday beverage bottles, ready to surprise and delight your child with their innovative transformation feature.
❤️【Versatile Design】Perfect for boys and robot enthusiasts of all ages, these transformer toys offer a unique play experience that combines the familiarity of a beverage bottle with the excitement of a robot transformation. With easy-to-follow steps, kids can transform their bottle into a robot and back again, encouraging fine motor skills and problem-solving abilities.
❤️【Beverage Bottles Transformer Robot】Looks like a soda can but turns into a cool robot toy with simple steps, sparking endless imagination and fun for kids.
❤️【Safety Comes First】This funny robot toy set is made with premium quality, highly durable ABS, a heavy-duty plastic which is 100% safe, non-toxic and guaranteed to withstand kids’ daily energetic handling.
You gotta love a bootleg toy, folks. Making it even cheesier, it might not arrive in time for Christmas, and the product photo has a giant baby looking on, so you know it’s cool.
Star Wars Darth Vader Popcorn Maker
$48.93 from Hot Topic
A little-known fact from Star Wars lore is that in the original script for the legendary space epic, Darth Vader would take a break oce in a while and use his head to make popcorn for the Stormtroopers.
This hot air popper is the perfect companion for a Star Wars viewing party. Pour in the kernels and watch through the clear top as hot air pops them for a healthy, delicious snack. Meticulous detailing with easy to clean, removable parts make this popper a little hero. Top cover doubles as a serving bowl; Just remove from the base and flip it over.
Wash the removable popping chute, cup and lid with soap and water and clean the outside of the machine with a damp cloth, if needed.
Turn to the dark side of air-popped corny tastiness by eating right out of the head of Darth Vader! You can pretend you’re eating his brains!
Salad Fingers Plush 11.81″
$7.49 from Walmart
This is a plush toy of dubious legality, but you can buy it through Walmart, so at least it has an air of respectability. If you know what Salad Fingers is, then you might be a little surprised that anybody made a plush toy.
There is the possiblity that this is a bootleg toy, so let’s see the description (complete with weird bullet points) to determine the level of legitimacy.
🧸【Safe Material】Salad Fingers Plush is filled with high-quality plush, elastic PP cotton, soft and comfortable, delicate touch, excellent elasticity, and will not deform when compressed.
🧸【Design Inspiration】This Salad Fingers Plush is made based on the popular TV show. It mades minor changes but perfectly restores the style characteristics, which is cute and popular.
🧸【Size】Salad Fingers Plush measures 11.81 inches, just the right size for kids to carry and play with. You can take it anywhere and it will accompany you like a friend.
🧸【Unique Gift】The Salad Fingers Plush can give kids a warm hug and are the perfect gift for fans, as well as holiday party and cosplay gifts for you and your friends.
🧸【Widely Use】These TV plushies can be used as a soft pillow; can be decorative for living rooms, a bedtime buddy as well as a daytime friend. An ultrasoft hugging bed pillow or waist pillow for bedroom, family, office, home, car, and every place you like.
So, if you like the idea of a plush based on an exceptionally creepy YouTube series from over a decade ago…knock yourself out. It will make for an unforgettable gift, in a “WTF was that” sort of way.
Pizza Area Rug
Various sizes and prices, from Fresh House
Okay, this is goofy and cool. It’s an area rug printed with the image of pepperoni pizza. It can make you hungry just looking at it. Chances are that anybody who gets this as a gift will react with confusion, at the very least.
Aside from that, it’s a pretty mundane rug. Fresh House describes it thusly:
Great for any decor, adds texture to the floor and complements any decor.
Durable and resistant to soiling, stain, and fading. Without even mentioning the design, Fresh House describes it thusly:
Feels soft under your foot and vivid colors won’t fade over time. Your rug will instantly add fashion to any room’s decor. It features trendy colors as well as its design.
Beautiful, blended colors along with clean, easy-to-match designs make your rug perfect for any room, home or office.
The enhanced soft pile keeps dirt out and keeps your rug looking great for years. Easy to clean.
No mention that it looks like a giant pizza. You have to respect that.
Gifts From Uranus
Our last Turkey Gift suggestion is a repeat from six years ago, AND it’s also a place where you can find some really legitimately nice gifts.
But they all center around butt jokes. These are gifts pulled right out of Uranus.
Uranus Missouri, that is. See, down in Uranus, for some reason, the folks found themselves to be the butt of many a joke, and rather than feel sad and wallow in pity, they decided to pick themselves up, and put their money where their Uranus is. They got in on the joke, and created a tourist attraction along the historic Route 66, and now you can take the joy of Uranus and spread it among all your friends.
The gift giving potential is tremendous. You can find T Shirts, Mugs, Magnets, Tin signs, shot glasses, canned goods and more, all emblazoned with greetings from Uranus.
You can even treat yourself to fresh fudge, direct from the famous fudge factory in Uranus.
If you want to keep up with all the happenings so that you can stick your head right up Uranus and be informed, you can subscribe to the local newspaper, The Uranus Examiner. You can keep up with all the news about the world’s largest belt buckle and the Sideshow Museum, along with all poop on what’s happening at the fudge factory.
I’m sure you all have someone on your holiday shopping list who would get a swift kick out of gifts from Uranus. Get off your butt and visit the website for the bottom line on all the cool stuff going on in Uranus!
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