If you’ve been reading PopCult the last few months, you know that every Tuesday I give you the straight poop on toys. Well this week’s a little different, because I’m giving you the straight poop on toy poop.
A recent trip to a fine out of town novelty chain called Five Below revealed that there is apparently a new genre of toy…the poop-based plaything. Apparently after years of playing with crappy toys, now kids just want to play with crap.
Today we’re going to look at a couple of really crappy new toys.
First up, is a game actually called “Doody Head.” Doody Head is a game where you throw plush pieces of poop in the air and try to catch them on your velcro hat. Yes, this is a game that teaches children to throw poop at their own head.
The game itself is simple. It comes packaged in a small box which contains an elastic hat that looks sort of like a shower cap, which is covered with velcro strips and different scoring areas depending on where the poop hits your head. The poop, or as they call it the “doody,” is actually three little plush…for lack of a better term…turd piles. If you want to be picky, each of the three poop projectiles is a single coiled plush turdlet (I wanted to use a more dignified word, but I couldn’t figure out the singular of feces.)
The back of the box describes it as “super squidgee doodies with a grippy hat for doody heading antics.” There are three different games listed but I’m sure that if you applied yourself you could come up with more. As someone who has written criticism, I appreciate any game that teaches children the value of flinging feces. However, I would like to point out that you probably want to buy multiple sets so that each child can have their own ultra-dignified shower cap/poop target.
This game is recommended for children ages 3 and up, which may seem a bit odd since it would come so naturally to those younger than that. However, as funny as this game is on the face of it (and let’s face it, who doesn’t like a good poop joke?), there is one profoundly disturbing item on the package for this game. Doody Head, which is essentially a box with three pieces of fake poop in it, bears a warning that it is a choking hazard.
Our next item in the fecal toybox is the very subtly named “Magic Poop.” The Magic Poop comes in a small plastic shoe-polish-sized canister, blister packed to a card. The card says, “It’s soft,” “It’s hard” “It shatters” and “It melts.” and at the bottom says “Relieve stress and play gross tricks.” The canister itself proclaims “Magic Poop,” followed by “This poop is magic!”
This lovely little item is described as “odor-free fun putty which is the same old poop used to repair spaceships.”
I have to confess that this must have been from a period of NASA’s history of which I am unfamiliar. The package copy goes on to implore you, “Use this poop to play pranks, relieve stress and entertain your children.” Yes folks, this particular magic poop is intended for parents.
The package goes on to say that Magic Poop will make any shape melt, shatter, stretch and bounce. I’m going to take them at their word on this because I’m still not quite buying the odor-free part. The fine print on the package explains that Magic Poop is not a toy and is recommended for age 14 and up. It also says “keep away from children as it contains small parts.” Although the specimen I have appears to be corn free.
Additional fine print warnings include “Keep away from fire;” “Do not leave the Magic Poo with children unattended;” “Do NOT place this item onto upholstery, furniture, carpet or any absorbent, delicate, or high gloss surface;” “This item may leave marks;” “This item is NOT edible.”
That is some serious crap. Apparently Magic Poop is made of Carboxyl Methyl Cellulose, Xanthan Gum, Triethanolamine, Propylene Glycol, Glycerine, Borax, Methyl Paraben, Deionized Water. Man, I don’t know what they’ve been feeding them at the Magic Poop factory but it sure doesn’t sound healthy. I think this might be one item that was never intended to be opened. It still has a high gag-gift value, though.
These were just two of the items in Five Below’s well stocked fecal toy section. My fiancee’ Melanie talked me out of getting the poop darts or the three foot wide whoopie cushion. But it certainly looked like poop-based toys could be one of the fastest growing segments of the American toy industry.
So you have to admire the resilience of the toy industry. Even in the hardest of times they can still squeeze out the hits. Clearly they have found a way to rebound from the collapse of the toy booger fad. Seriously, you can’t make this crap up.